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Are You Still Breathing?

Take a second and ask yourself, what is your biggest fear?

Like really ask yourself.

I mean the real fear. The one that arises when you’re alone, when the things gets quiet, and you’re driving and your mind just starts going places it probably shouldn’t.

Now, do any of your fears lead to death of sorts?

Maybe it is death itself, a disease that can lead to some horrible end, it’s losing someone you love, getting older.or maybe it’s being abandoned, rejected, forgotten, homeless, or just realizing one day that life didn’t turn out the way you thought it would.

When you really think about it, humans are incredibly fragile, am I right?

We get sick. We gain weight. We age. We decay. And then eventually, we die.

That is something I’ve ruminated on a bit longer than I’d like to admit.

I’ve experienced love, thrill, sorrow, more sorrow, loss, and happiness only for it to be stripped from me. Then it feels like you get delivered into this constant wave of pain, like something stitched into the bones, mourning what once was.

And now here I am, hitting 35, and the year feels like it is steamrolling toward the end.

Before I know it, I’ll be 36.

Then what?

40?

50?

Then poof! One day it’s just over?

That kind of thinking used to mess me up badly.

Underneath the smiles, underneath the “I’m good,” underneath the daily routine, there was this fear sitting there. A black cloud raining pins and needles. Anxiety had me frozen in places I didn’t even realize I was frozen in.

At times, if I’m being honest, it made me lose my will to exist.

When I was 25, I willfully and irresponsibly left a near healthy and stable setup. It was the kind of setup that anyone trying to rebuild themselves probably should have appreciated.

But I didn’t get the memo.

I fumbled the plan, as some would say.

And I fell.

Then my heart surgery brought me back.

I was given a second chance to do things right. A chance many people don’t get.

And I believed in my bones that maybe if I did it right this time around, life would be peachy. Maybe life would finally feel blessed the way I thought blessed was supposed to feel.

But that wasn’t the case.

At least not entirely.

I’m not perfect, and I’m not saying I did everything correctly. I know I’ve made mistakes. I know I’ve had my own hand in some of my problems.

But life still threw more curveballs at me.

And there were moments where I just sat there, like a child left on a hill after getting beat up by bullies, arms raised to God like:

“What gives, dude?”

I won’t get into all the details, because I’m sure you have your own battles that need fight’n.

But there is one thing I’ve learned through this, and I wanna share it with you.

Are you still breathing?

Do you feel your soul leaving?

Because if you are still breathing, then there is work to be done.

There’s a saying people throw around all the time:

“You only live once.”

But my dad told me something that hits harder.

He said:

“Son, remember this. You live every day, but you only die once.”

And man, that stuck with me.

Because it’s true.

We act like we only live once, but really, we live every day. Every morning you wake up, that’s another shot. Another chance. Another moment to put one foot in front of the other.

But we only die once.

And when that day comes, none of this stuff we stress over is coming with us.

For a long time, I blamed God for the outcomes of what transpired in my life.

Rarely was I grateful.

Fear had me by the throat, fear of fighting, loss in relationships, losing loved ones, illness, rejection, abandonment, homeless,

Fear of being a failure of a parent.

And of course, we can’t forget death.

But fear does something I hate… It keeps me ruminating and that causes me to freeze – that what it does, it freezes you.

It makes you sit still while life keeps moving, convinces you that because something hurts, there’s no point in trying or you’ve lost things, you have nothing left.

But that’s a lie.

Life has ups and downs. In and of itself, that’s just life as we know it.

We live in chapters. Maybe 5-year chapters. Maybe 10-year chapters. Maybe 20-year chapters. It depends on the stage we’re in.

In each stage we how to evaluate ourselves ya know?

It’s about how we handle the current the stage.

When I was younger, I could have made wiser choices. I could have listened to my parents. I could have gotten a responsible job. I could have worked my tail off and maybe handled my heart situation differently.

But then I think about it.

If everything went according to my plan, my son may not have been born.

I’ve accepted that I wouldn’t have it any other way and that so I forge some type of training camp in my mind yet, the fear of death lingers. Questions and thoughts prop themselves up:
“what if this is your last day?

what if you die driving? or when your son is sleeping next to you? What if you get cancer? or are developing cancer and you don’t know it?”

That sounds dark, but I don’t think it’s meant to destroy us. I think it’s supposed to wake us up. Sober us up from the world of distractions.

Because focusing on death all day will make you lose your mind.

But remembering that life ends can also remind you that life is meant to be lived.

So now my goal is to focus on what I can control, inspire, motivate, and influence.

And there is work to be done.

I don’t know what you’re struggling with, ladies and gentlemen.

I’m sure it’s rough.

Allow yourself to feel it – take a moment for yourself.

Pause.

Then when you’re done, hand it over to God.

Accept that sometimes life sucks.

But don’t stay there.

Because we have others looking at us, or up to us, whether we realize it or not. Some people need us to keep walking.

Our bodies decay. Human will bends under each strand of pressure. And depending on how you tend to your soul, you start to understand the groaning of the human race.

We are all longing for a world that has no end.

Don’t give in to nihilistic cycles.

That darkness will eat you alive.

Your soul will be on fire when you pour effort into family, friends, mentoring kids, serving others, building something, creating something, and trying to be useful while you’re still here.

Because at the end of the day, we thrive when our souls are rooted in something meaningful.

I root myself in Christ.

I’m not some perfect religious man with effort to show off.

But because my faith is in Christ’s perfect work.

So when that day comes, when I close my eyes for the last time, I believe I will wake in another world.

Present with the King.

“To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord.” — 2 Corinthians 5:8

And until that day comes, I still have to live.

So the question still stands.

Are you still breathing?

If so, then put your nose to the grindstone.

Love your people. Handle your responsibilities. Pray. Laugh when you can. Take care of those around you and of course, have some fun. Ain’t none of us getting out alive!

Life is meant to be lived.

We live every day, but we all die once.